Friday, March 16, 2012

outside looking in...

it's no secret i like to read a lot of blogs; i like to know what people are doing, saying, thinking, eating, creating, etc. it's the curious voyeur in me. when i lived in the back bay my favorite thing to do was walk the dogs at night and look into people's windows, into their lives. none of that peeping tom shit, just simply viewing them at home, in the privacy of them selves, being real. blogs are no different...but i do have one major gripe about everyone's life really as perfect as they seem to make it on their blog?

i know the answer is no, but doesn't is seem like people's lives are perfect when you read their blog? for instance, i read this one blog, which really is great so i'm not crapping on it (well, i am, but only to make this point)...but this girls life appears to be nothing but perfection; a cute home, a handsome & attentive husband (do those even exists?), pregnant with her first child (a daughter), seems to have endless amounts of money to spend on said pregnancy, loves her all makes me want to gag at the current moment. yes, i could stop reading her blog, that would help. and no, i don't write nasty comments on her blog, it's her life & her blog, who am i to comment? but it makes me acutely aware of just how imperfect my own life is.

not that anyone wants to air their dirty laundry, or be judged, i get that. but why is it that rarely does anyone's blog address the hard shit in life? i mean, yes, i've read a few blogs about women struggling with infertility, those are real feelings, those are women putting it out there. i'm no different i suppose.

currently it feels like my life is unraveling at the seams...but you would never know that from my blog posts. you would never know that i feel like i'm at the bottom of the barrel right now. why, because i'm too afraid to admit it myself. so, does that make my blog as fake as everyone else's? probably. my point is, my blog may appear that my life is perfect, i have endless amounts of money to shop & decorate with, that i'm super creative and have lots of time on my hands to whip out projects, my job is amazing, that i've got my shit together, that life is bubble gum & rainbows all the time, that i have sunshine rays coming out of my rear end...but i don't. right now i'm going through some of the hardest stuff i've ever had to deal with...and yes, i have friends and family members who love me and are supportive, yet i have never felt more alone and more like i have no one to tell things to in my entire life. and if i'm not honest in what i consider an 'online diary' of sorts, then i'm just as bad as all the blogs i read that make people think being perfect comes easy.

no, this is not a pity party for myself. and no, it's not to say that i don't have a lot of great things to be thankful for. it's just an honest post, for voyeurs like me, who's lives aren't as perfect as they might appear from the outside.

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