Sunday, October 31, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
i like to switch 'em up, often. except the boyfriend thinks he's allergic to this one...
...which kinda sucks because i really like this one, AND, i have a gianormous bottle of it. so i guess i can only wear it when i'm not around him, boooo. but i think i'll go check out a few fresh frangrances this weekend. fingers crossed he's not allergic to these bad boys...
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
I have known jill all of her life, literally. She is my cousin, 11 years younger than me, but many years wiser than any 19 year old should be. i've babysat her since she was little darling thing and I love her and her 2 sisters like they were my own children…which is weird cause I’m not really old enough to be their mother. Speaking of mothers, I love their mother too, she has been a mentor and a confidant to me since I was a little punk in high school.
jill is currently following in my very awesome footsteps at hobart & william smith colleges (because i forced her to go there). she and i are very close, i tell her a lot, a lot, a lot. we have this very strange connection despite our age difference; but i know no matter what i tell her stays between she and i, and she never judges, just dishes out very mature advice. i can't tell you how smart jill is...she often 'acts' like an airhead (hence a little absent-mindedness on what and where wichita is located...kansas!), but she really does have a very good head on her shoulders. her parents always try to get me to find out all the 'dirt' on her, but there very rarely is any dirt, she is a freakin' goody-two-shoes...sort of.
i think jill and i are so close because i see a lot of resemblance of myself in her. jill's always been a natural care taker/helper with her younger sisters and is shockingly polite for a teenager (way more polite than i ever was). she has fabulous taste in music, clothing, and boys (our 3 favorite things!). she has always been very creative, sentimental, sensitive and affectionate... i remember our grandmother saying about her when she was a very little girl, 'she's an old soul'...
jill makes smart decisions and i really am very proud of her. i'm looking forward to becoming closer as she gets older and moves into 'adulthood'...it's sometimes hard to believe i'm 30 and she's 19... ps- how freakin' gorgeous is she? seriously, why didn't i get the hot genes in our family???
Home town? Brewster, NY
Where did you go to college and what was your major? HWS, English
Current job? Student
Dream job? house wife! ... or something that includes traveling
What website(s) do you check daily? facebook, elle.com (horoscopes), e-mail
Best piece of advice you were ever given and by whom? "boys are dogs!" -mom & dad
One word your friends would use to describe you? creative
What has been your greatest accomplishment? going to China
What is your least favorite thing about yourself? unable to be alone
What is the first thing you notice about other people? how they're acting
Outfit you feel the best in? something that doesn't make my hips look huge
Beauty product you can’t live without? face lotion
Is it easier to forgive or forget? neither
Biggest pet peeve? people who eat with their mouth open
If you were a crayon what color would you be? light pink
If a Hollywood movie was made about your life what actor/actress would play you? jennifer anniston
What book are you currently reading? ....textbooks
If you could live anywhere in the world for one year where would you live? norwich, england (praying i get to go abroad..)
Who has played the most influential role in your life? mommy
Favorite Quote? "far above our heads are the icy heights that contain all reason"
i've been starting to think about potential fabrics for recovering my great aunt's chair. i want something a little bit unexpected but not totally out there; definitely something with pattern, not boring in the least, but something that won't become dated quickly. i like these schumacher prints, hopefully getting some samples soon to see how they'll fit in the space. i'm sure i'll love all of them, but not their price tag... but maybe i can find something comparable at my favorite local fabric store, zimmans...
etsy's an awesome resource for holiday gifts too, but order soon to ensure timely delivery!
but for my work needs a pick-up truck would be better so i could really haul crap back & forth, like trim and other dirty crap i don't want to put in my little wagon. plus, showing up on a job site with a pick-up truck would make me look super cool to the guys, right? i sort of like this gmc sierra hybrid (but in black, nothing screams sexy like a blonde in a black pick-up)...
penny however was less than thrilled...
Friday, October 22, 2010
on thursday it was 9 year old chester with his favorite gal pals, penny & maple...
and today it was petite stella & penny gossiping under the desk...
i saw this photo on wide open spaces this morning (via dilly dallas) and loved it. oh how i wish i had a front door of my very own to paint a lovely color. it reminded me of some of the photos on elements of style a while back of those beacon hill homes...